Numb

So who knew. Hell can get worse.
We had a meeting today with a Radio-Oncologist to discuss further treatment for Alex. Sitting here now it’s a bit of a jumble, we need time to absorb what we were told today, what it will mean for all of us short and long term.

We’ve come out of the meeting feeling confused; overwhelmed and hugely emotional. Roughly the same feeling as January last year when Alex was first diagnosed and we were in the whirlwind of what literally was lifesaving decisions by the medical teams at Womens and Kids.

This time around, the timeline isn’t as restrictive in that we know what’s going on, we know that time is “on our side” and we know that treatment is a must… but there’s still some pretty heavy decisions to be made. We’re at when (unfortunately no longer “if”) we’ll proceed with Radiation therapy and the truly mind boggling list of short, medium and long term side effects/risks that need to be dealt with and managed long term.

• Hormone Imbalances
• Thyroid Damage
• Stomach/Digestive issues
• Impaired learning
• Stunted Growth

Probably the biggest thing that’s stuck with me so far is the words from the Radiation Oncologist was “What’s riskier; The treatment or leaving the tumour unchecked?”

Add to that, the early start (8am each morning, Monday to Friday), with G.A. each treatment (31 treatments) over 6 weeks. I don’t know how we’re going to manage it but I know we will and I know from conversations I’ve had with them that my employers that they’ll continue to support in every way possible giving the flexibility to come late from treatment or whatever is needed along the way; I can do nothing but thank them for that.

I’m still processing all of the information that was given to us today and fully expect over the next 36 hours at some stage to have a moment of realisation followed by tears and/or physical illness.

For now the best way to describe my physical and emotional feeling is
Numb…